Grabe. Malala. Todas.
I just came home from HELL.
Please. Anybody tell me now that this is HELL WEEK!

Namamaga ako. Seriously. I went to the derma and I wasn't expecting something bloody!!! Garabe. From this moment on, natatakot na kong hawakan yung face ko. Kasi I'm too scared to feel pain from my own fingers. Alam mo yung scared to the fact na baka simpleng haplos lang sa mukha ko, umiyak na ko sa sakit??

So that is what they call 'facial'? Hindi ko nga alam kung simpleng facial ba yung ginawa sakin? Para akong sinurgery. Lol. Am I exaggerating? overacting? o totoong seryoso lang talaga? Isa pa dun, I WASN'T EVEN WARNED! I lie down in that bed without knowing the torture! But now, I am laughing that I handled it. Though, it still hurts when I remember. I want to kick myself up so that the pain will stop. I wish there was anesthesia.

I keep on saying to myself na ganto na ba talaga kalala yung mukha ko at kelangan kong magsurpass ng gantong pain? It's as if there's this demon shouting, "SUFFER CHARMENN. SUFFER. or more likely, DIE CHARMENN. DIE.

I don't want to remember the exact happenings inside that sickly room. The thing was, THAT WAS HELL!!. And then before going away to that place, I am going through some parts every week, and the not-so-bloody part every four weeks. Talk about FEARS, PAIN, and MONEY!! I pity my parents. This should be heavy in their pockets. But they can't do anything. They want me to not be feeling any inferiority complex later in my life.

My dad explained that they are willing to help me amidst the crisis, just to refrain me from any unsuccessful vibes in the future. Well, the thing is, of course if I have an ugly face and not-so-high confident level, I won't be performing nice in the corporate world. If ever I will land in that portion of the world. Or in any aspect, it's a big matter if your problem is your face. So I AM FINE. Through all of that.

Bakit ba kasi ako pinanganak na may curse na ganto e no? I WANNA CURSE THESE PIMPLES. But I am just so lovable, di nila ako maiwan! Lol. I am going crazy despite the tear-jerking ouchness.

I was ashamed kanina. I can't hold back my tears. Ewan ko ba. Nahihiya ako. I felt, ako lang kaya yung ganun? But anyway, maybe Doc himself understood. Dapat lang no! :) I just wish this will result into something nice. I am so tired of all the future complications. This should outcome into something better.

I have been watching The Hills Season 3. I had one episode only since the net buffers soooooo slow. I'll just buy pirated dvds. I still have four days, ayt? And also, I watched an episode of the X Effect in mtv.com, it was funny but it pissed me though. Lol. Check it out yourself.

I hovered into channels and watched an episode from Grey's Anatomy! I had fun. I missed the funny episodes. I miss Dr. Grey, Christina, Burke, McDreamy, O Malley, KAREV!!! Wooot. Hot. And I forgot the name of Heigl in the show. :)

I downloaded new songs, particularly soundtracks from The Hills. They put a lot of incredible songs in that show, so lovely!

I found the new love of my life!!!! I was surfing for a good channel, when I hit Star Movies. I saw a half-naked man! And then I saw the face!! Oh my god pure hotness!!!!!! And then since I don't know his name, I searched it in the net. Unang-una pa lang tama na hula ko! Nagduda lang talaga ako, kasi iba itsura niya dun! It is JOSH HARTNETT!!!!! HE IS DEFINITELY HOT!!!! OMFFFFFFFFFFFFFFGoodness! He must be fake, he looks perfect! I wish he was Edward Cullen in the Twilight movie. The problem, though, is he has a bad boy image. I mean, Edward is pure good! And Hartnett suits bad action movies. But even though, his hotness matches Cullen! AWWWWWW Dead na deads na ko sa unggoy na yon!! POGE POGE POGE! GWAPENG GWAPENG GWAPENG ALERT!! I wish he's mine. Lol.

We'll be going to Manila tomorrow. :) I wanna have a good time. Though, I won't be able to watch Uno in Campus King and Queen [Casual&Sports Wear?] Uno, I'll watch the next time. (:

*Good I-Wish-No-Pain Night. (:

Labels: brave, hot, josh hartnett, pain, pimples, sembreak

Saturday gives me more rest than I ever wanted. I love the feeling. The swathing part is the stinking temperature of Philippines. ;p

*I woke up around 9.30. I looked at the mirror, as always and I exclaimed one thing, "I want to go the derma at this exact moment!" Oiliness crept my face as if it's a leech, my face as blood. I hate my face more and more each day. If these zits are the outcome of puberty, can I stay a kid forever? I blame my glands for everything. They say that stress adds up the agony, but it's them pimples that give me stress! UGH TO THE MILLIONTH TIME!

*Anyway, I breathed deep (I always do when I disappoint myself). I smiled. WOOHOO. And went to the breakfast table immediately. (: I ate like normal days with a slice of BROWNIES! Yum. But still, the 32 degrees pissed me.

* This day was INTERNET day. I was happy to know that our connection started to act normal also. But then, the memory of our PC lags! I hate it. I can't use it enthusiastically. But I was happy to hear my iTunes keeping me tuned again.

*Forget About Me and Miss Independent were the two songs I alternately play in my list. I love the rhythm, sound and everything! (: By the way, I wish my mother's friend answer our tickets to the Rihanna-Chris Brown concert! OMFG! That will be totally rad! Ang sabi kase dati kay mommy, he'll treat us front seats! Pwedeng VIP pass nadin? Awwww. But still the thought of it keeps me dreaming.

*I went with my dad to the derma. I was shy yet happy that I'll have a chance to fix this face again. My last derma was crazy I think. Or maybe not that influential enough to kick my pimples outta my face. I hope with the medications my newly-trusted doctor gave me, --that's worth a lot for a face-wrangling transformation-- my face would gleam a bit. (: HOW I WISH.

*I had a dose of the Eclipse again, and now I am effin determined to finish it. (I finished it, later in the day.) I TOTALLY LOVE JACOB BLACK!

PERSONAL THOUGHTS OF ECLIPSE

I got tired of Edward being perfect and so, I loved Jacob's imperfections. Most of my friends who were dismantled by the Twilight typhoon hates Jacob's role in the book. But I see it as a nice twist. I love Jacob's nature... He is so off the hook for me. Syrinch hated Eclipse because of Jacob, when I loved it because of Jacob! I feel entertained. (: Yum. And I thought, Edward is just a fantasy. Noone can exist as perfect as he is. Might as well find Jacob. (: *But I still dream of meeting an Edward!

I got carried away of the pain Jacob felt. I cried in the chapter entitled "ETHICS". That was my favorite. I reread the chapter over and over again. Below are my favorite excerpts from the chapter. I am asking apologies from those who haven't read the Eclipse yet. from the conversation of Bella and Jacob.

"What do you mean by 'be good'?".
"I'll be your friend, Bella," he said quietly. "I won't ask for more than that."
"I think it's too late for that, Jake. How can we be friends, when we love each other like this?"
He looked at the ceiling, his stare intent, as if he were reading something that was written there. "Maybe... it will have to be a long-distance friendship."

"You know the story in the Bible?" Jacob asked suddenly, still reading the blank ceiling. "The one with the king and the two women fighting over the baby?"
"Sure. King Solomon."
"That's right. King Solomon," he repeated. "And he said, cut the kid in half... but it was only a test. Just to see who would give up their share to protect it."
"Yeah, I remember."
He looked back at my face. "I'm not going to cut you in half anymore, Bella."

"Can I tell you what the worst part is?" he asked hesitantly when I said nothing. "Do you mind? I am going to be good."
"Will it help?" I whispered.
"It might. It couldn't hurt."
"What's the worst part, then?"
"The worst part is knowing what would have been."
"What might have been." I sighed.
"No." Jacob shook his head. "I'm exactly right for you, Bella. It would have been effortless for us -- comfortable, easy as breathing. I was the natural path your life would have taken..." He stared into space for a moment, and I waited. "If the world was the way it was supposed to be, if there were no monsters and no magic..."

"He's like a drug for you, Bella." His voice was still gentle, not at all critical. "I see that you can't live without him now. It's too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun."
The corner of my mouth turned up in a wistful half-smile. "I used to think of you that way, you know. Like the sun. My personal sun. You balanced out the clouds nicely for me."
He sighed. "The clouds I can handle. But I can't fight with an ECLIPSE.

I stretched my neck up to whisper in his ear, laying my cheek against his warm skin. "You know I love you."
"I know," he breathed, his arm tightening automatically around my waist. "You know how much I wish it was enough."
"Yes."
"I'll always be waiting in the wings, Bella," he promised, lightening his tone and loosening his arm.

Meanwhile, this was from the epilogue, in the person of Jacob Black.

If only I could stop hearing, stop seeing what they saw. My head was so crowded, but the only way to be alone again was to be human, and I couldn't stand the pain.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR BREAKING DAWN!!! I'LL START TO READ IT, PDF FILE STYLE!

*Tomorrow will be my entrance test to La Salle. Wish me luck peeps! I am thinking of wearing my Ateneo t-shirt. Just kiddin! (: (: We're off to Manila at 9.30. Weehee. Car moments.
*Goodnight. Halloween's coming. I was right of the monsters going home. WINK.

Labels: pimples, rest, the twilight saga

A more detailed biography here.
Maybe say wad r ur loves? dreams? wishes?